I wish I could teleport
Define "chronic" masturbator.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I smell like Dick and happiness
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
