I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i drank out of a bidet.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
