just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize