did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
As shirtless as possible
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
