Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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