His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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