I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
