So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
