Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
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Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
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so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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