I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
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You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
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Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
3 2 1 whiskey
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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