This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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