Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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