I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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