ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
