I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
