im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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