Only a mothe r could love this liver
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
