sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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