That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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