So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
