I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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