the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
