Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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