$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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