Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Barsexuality is the new black.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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