she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
