Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
