We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
