id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
