The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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