dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
