Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
