Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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