it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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