I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
