"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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