i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Randomize
