They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
