I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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