Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize