I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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