I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I wear drunk well.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
