When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
