Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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