I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
