Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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