My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
