Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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