he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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