i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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