Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
