think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
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The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
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But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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