So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
