The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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