And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
