She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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