my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
